Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
