you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
