I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
