he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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