So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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