Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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