I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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