he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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