he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
