i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
