Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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