Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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