I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
