so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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