Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
