whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
