what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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