I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
