i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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