the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
