I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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