Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
