Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
