Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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