All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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