I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
