I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize