I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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