i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The beer is more important than you right now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
