he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize