DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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