How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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