I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize