I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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