Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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