Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize