May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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