Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
