watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
