it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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