It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
