I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
