You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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