He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
