I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
