Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
