everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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