So drunk its hurt
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
