that's an acceptable place to lick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
