yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
