Pants 0. Shit 1.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
