what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
