My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
