You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize