Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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