Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
