The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Say something about gay babies.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
