I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
