call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
