Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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