last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We left the knife in your bed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
