i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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