OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize