I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
