but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
