No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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