Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
