He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
